have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Swine flu is the new snow day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
