somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
