accomplished twins. life is a go
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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