I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
