he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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