I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
