So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
