Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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