You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
