yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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