me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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