Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize