I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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