You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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