I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
