i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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