My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
