I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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