Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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