Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize