shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
