no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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