There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
