is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
