Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
