Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
