i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
