Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
