I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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