don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
