so explain again why im purple
no
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
