You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
