Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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