Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
