There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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