I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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