So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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