just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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