That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
