Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
