but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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