What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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