i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
