I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
