vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
