That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
