Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
