Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
