Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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