you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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