Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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