Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
where does the pee come out of this thing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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