I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
