john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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