So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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