I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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