We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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