but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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