giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
