Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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