I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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