there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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