people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
