She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
