Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
