I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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