My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
