3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
