pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
