fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize