All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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