my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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