Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
