the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
