even my farts smell like vagina
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize