just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
