I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His hands were made for my vagina.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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