stop calling my apartment porn island.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
