the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
